Who Am I? Who Are You?

“I don’t wanna be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately,

I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do or who I’m supposed to be, I don’t want to be anything other than me”

Gavin DeGraw, 2003.

These words I cherish...and I’ll explain why.  I do not know if Gavin is a believer, but he once stated that Rich Mullins had the greatest impact on him as a young musician. Rich Mullins wrote “Our God is an Awesome God”. For that reason, I can see Gavin DeGraw’s efforts at accepting himself as God made him.

As a boy who struggled with stuttering, I found myself on the outside of the lives of others. They saw me as different and I ran to isolation where I found some peace.  As I began reading God’s word, I struggled with what he wrote about me and how I saw myself. I saw a defective boy even though God said I was not. I read where I became a child of God (John 1:12) when I received him. Though I was saturated in guilt, I read where I was forgiven (Eph. 1:7) and I was not to condemn myself (Rom. 8:1). 

Just as I was learning to be comfortable with myself, I discovered marijuana and alcohol. The world convinced me that I would enjoy life being high.  When I smoked, I thought I became more intellectual, when I drank I was less inhibited. I cannot tell you guys how many hundreds of times over those years I found myself out in bar and quietly asking myself, “What do I have to do to fit in here? Who am I supposed to be in here?”  

I was an imposter.  When you’re a stranger, no one remembers your name. Women seemed wicked and unkind.  They were mostly Delilahs or Jezebels. These turned out to be just ploys of the devil...just deceptions. 

I slid back into isolation. 

Why was it that I struggled between my love for God and the pleasures of this world? Why did I waste so many years not becoming what God destined me to become? Why did I resist?  Did I think I would miss out on life if I gave in to Christ? I didn’t know it at the time, but I was a new creation trying to remain and fit into another world. 

This is what I learned. What I’m about to say is my epistle to anyone reading this. As I spent time in God’s Word, I healed and grew. As I committed myself to small group, I adopted more of God’s Word. As I shared my time with those in need, I found gifts I had been given and  enjoyed the fruits of the grace and mercy of God (Gal. 5:22-24).  This is what God offered me in exchange for my time.  This is what being a doer of the Word means to me.  I wasn’t being busy "outside of my life”, volunteering, changing churches, and filling my days with activities. I accepted the new Phillip and understood that I was a new creature and the old Phillip had passed away. (2 Cor. 5).  My mirror to see myself was no longer the world, but it was in God’s liberty, His Word. (James 1:22-25)

 Now, I don’t want to be anyone other than the man (child of God) he intended me to be.

A message from a husband to his wife, Joanna, and a father to his sons, Taylor and Daniel, their wives, Monica and Kaitlyn, and Eliza Taylor Lynch, our first grandchild.

September 12, 2025.